Truly Free Journey

Today through the blessed writings of Pastor Robert Morris, I became aware that satan's demon or demons are oppressing me, but I John 4:4 states, "He who is in you is greater than he who is in the world." This scripture is meant as an encouragement, yet this is not the way I have been living. Pastor Robert had my attention from the intro, as he talked about the people in Exodus and how quickly they forgot about their oppression in Egypt and began to grumble. I saw started to see this scripture just slightly different than I ever had before.

I remember the freedom of conquering my addiction/oppression to unhealthy eating. I was so happy and felt so free back then, but two things happened to my thinking. I let pride and (I will call it) "judgmentalness" creep in. I did not keep my doors and windows shored up against the temptations of Satan. If others were still overweight I would think, "why don't they just diet/eat more healthy? I did it and it works." or "They must be weak." Evil, mean, I know. And you call yourself Christian. I know! Believe me I know many things a person could think of me if they knew the true thought in my mind. I have shamed and guilted myself over these every time.

The second demon of oppression I let creep in was, "Oh just a little cheat eating here or there won't hurt." As Pastor Robert talked in his book about just opening the door a smidgen to peek at a thief being ridiculous and frankly dangerous, so is my opening my thoughts or actions open to unhealthy eating. Every time I opened that door I was opening it wider and wider to more and more unhealthy eating. By inviting my temptation/oppression back in to take control over my mind and will more and more. Thus, I am overweight AGAIN. Boy now I look stupid for the "judgmental" thoughts that entangled my dark mind. But I sure do understand how easily satan's demons take hold of you and they grow more  powerful as I compromise and let them. Soon I felt completely powerless over my eating. I gave up. Every morning I would say to myself, "I will not eat unhealthy food no matter what or I have to stop!" Only three hours later when that cake, cookie or french fries are there or being offered I would give in. Why? I would ask myself. Then begin shaming myself mentally.

As I begin reading Truly Free I have become acutely aware of my oppression. It has brought me to my "knees" as I prayed I began to sob. Actually in the paragraph before I began to weep as I visualized him writing with sincerity and conviction that whoever prayed the words he wrote they were for them, for me, so I wept as I prayed clinging to the hope.

I knew I needed to start journaling this journey from the moment I started the introduction of the book. I thought which physical journal from the many incomplete ones that sit collecting dust on my bookshelves should I write in. I knew I had one in the closet that I had never used. I received it a few years back from my secret pal. Also, I think I have a nice leather one somewhere. I decided on the one in the closet I had never used. As I grabbed it from the shelf, I read the scripture on the cover, and again I began to weep. It was as if God was speaking to me. How appropriate these words are. "Therefore, if the Son has made you free, you are free indeed." John 8:36. Again, in God's perfect orchestration, He knew on day I would discover my oppression or it would be revealed to me in a way that would break me, yet open me to true freedom and healing.

This is only day one, but I enter into this journey with more hope than I have felt in several years at least the last three years. I have to be honest it is just a glimmer of hope. That thought of "can this be real?" and "can I really do it?" is still creeping in with the "no" answer. But what if Jesus can really free me by his power. Then I will cling to this promise with all the mental  power I have.

Today after having just had breakfast I weigh 185 lbs. I need to be or want to be 150 lbs or less. (125 lbs. at the least)
Can I cling to Jesus? Jesus take power over my oppressor.

I just threw away a Hershey bar. Although it is not my favorite but is was a gift. I held onto it just in case I "just needed a little something sweet." See my oppression runs deep.

Here I begin.