Truly Free Journey Day 2

Today as I sit down with my cup of coffee and read, some interesting revelations were brought to the forefront for me. Through reading Truly Free today God revealed to me warnings of to the way I have let Satan into my life and to take control. I understand how Pastor Robert talks about how not all things that go wrong or disease are because of Satan, but in the repetition of succumbing or repeatedly believing a lie Satan can take hold.
1) Repeated sin-I have willfully and repeatedly over and over chose to eat unhealthy foods. This sin has lead me into bondage not freedom. The good news is that I can become free from this bondage to sin. Jesus can set me free. I feel I must give the Holy Spirit permission/freedom to rid me of my bondage to an unhealthy diet. I have let food be my master-sugar, fried foods, high calorie foods or just eating too much. I have felt the weight of this bondage for some time. I have cried and chastised myself (as I mentioned yesterday), but God has heard my cry and brought me to his anointed word through Pastor Robert Morris. In his openness to share what God has taught him and scripture I see that I have served the devil as my master by succumbing to making those unhealthy choices.

2) My continued illness and unhealthy eating stems from a deeper childhood issue, as well. I remember people referring to me as fat or "just not as skinny or as pretty as my sister." I have lived out those words from Satan all my life. From my image of myself to every ongoing or past sin I have committed is either from trying to be as pretty or cute as others or dictating my view of myself through my weight. I have let commercialism, even others advice on beauty, dictate my decisions. I judge myself based on the other people around, yet never feeling as beautiful or as thin as those around me. In addition, I have felt "well I can never be as thin as.... or skinny enough and I have just believed I can never master my weight. It doesn't matter how much I weigh, I always see a fat girl in the mirror. I then go through the motions of what an out of control eating diet. I let satan's lies be my master, thus these lies increased my insecurities in who I am. A direct quote from the book as given me hope that I will gain a new perspective of myself and my sin:

"God has a purpose for you and me. We can't fulfill that purpose unless we take care of our bodies. We need to take care of the temple of the Lord."

And I would add, "but don't let that temple become your god." It is not about my body it is about my relationship with my Father God freeing me from the lies of the enemy.

3) Continued influence- I see now how I have allowed continued influence from satan skew my thinking. I need to stay away from influences of the occult and satan. I must walk humbly realizing I am vulnerable to the lies of the evil one.

Remember today, "He who is in you is greater than the who is in the world." I John 4:4 and "If the Son makes  you free, you shall be free indeed." John 8:36

I have confessed to God the sinful lies that I have bought into and made myself bondage to gluttony and wrong views of my physical worth. I ask God to set me free from my bonds, to deliver me. Deliver me Lord. May all spiritual oppression be done away with. Fill me with the full measure of the Holy Spirit. In Jesus name, Amen

 

Truly Free Journey

Today through the blessed writings of Pastor Robert Morris, I became aware that satan's demon or demons are oppressing me, but I John 4:4 states, "He who is in you is greater than he who is in the world." This scripture is meant as an encouragement, yet this is not the way I have been living. Pastor Robert had my attention from the intro, as he talked about the people in Exodus and how quickly they forgot about their oppression in Egypt and began to grumble. I saw started to see this scripture just slightly different than I ever had before.

I remember the freedom of conquering my addiction/oppression to unhealthy eating. I was so happy and felt so free back then, but two things happened to my thinking. I let pride and (I will call it) "judgmentalness" creep in. I did not keep my doors and windows shored up against the temptations of Satan. If others were still overweight I would think, "why don't they just diet/eat more healthy? I did it and it works." or "They must be weak." Evil, mean, I know. And you call yourself Christian. I know! Believe me I know many things a person could think of me if they knew the true thought in my mind. I have shamed and guilted myself over these every time.

The second demon of oppression I let creep in was, "Oh just a little cheat eating here or there won't hurt." As Pastor Robert talked in his book about just opening the door a smidgen to peek at a thief being ridiculous and frankly dangerous, so is my opening my thoughts or actions open to unhealthy eating. Every time I opened that door I was opening it wider and wider to more and more unhealthy eating. By inviting my temptation/oppression back in to take control over my mind and will more and more. Thus, I am overweight AGAIN. Boy now I look stupid for the "judgmental" thoughts that entangled my dark mind. But I sure do understand how easily satan's demons take hold of you and they grow more  powerful as I compromise and let them. Soon I felt completely powerless over my eating. I gave up. Every morning I would say to myself, "I will not eat unhealthy food no matter what or I have to stop!" Only three hours later when that cake, cookie or french fries are there or being offered I would give in. Why? I would ask myself. Then begin shaming myself mentally.

As I begin reading Truly Free I have become acutely aware of my oppression. It has brought me to my "knees" as I prayed I began to sob. Actually in the paragraph before I began to weep as I visualized him writing with sincerity and conviction that whoever prayed the words he wrote they were for them, for me, so I wept as I prayed clinging to the hope.

I knew I needed to start journaling this journey from the moment I started the introduction of the book. I thought which physical journal from the many incomplete ones that sit collecting dust on my bookshelves should I write in. I knew I had one in the closet that I had never used. I received it a few years back from my secret pal. Also, I think I have a nice leather one somewhere. I decided on the one in the closet I had never used. As I grabbed it from the shelf, I read the scripture on the cover, and again I began to weep. It was as if God was speaking to me. How appropriate these words are. "Therefore, if the Son has made you free, you are free indeed." John 8:36. Again, in God's perfect orchestration, He knew on day I would discover my oppression or it would be revealed to me in a way that would break me, yet open me to true freedom and healing.

This is only day one, but I enter into this journey with more hope than I have felt in several years at least the last three years. I have to be honest it is just a glimmer of hope. That thought of "can this be real?" and "can I really do it?" is still creeping in with the "no" answer. But what if Jesus can really free me by his power. Then I will cling to this promise with all the mental  power I have.

Today after having just had breakfast I weigh 185 lbs. I need to be or want to be 150 lbs or less. (125 lbs. at the least)
Can I cling to Jesus? Jesus take power over my oppressor.

I just threw away a Hershey bar. Although it is not my favorite but is was a gift. I held onto it just in case I "just needed a little something sweet." See my oppression runs deep.

Here I begin.